Bachelorette Fans!
My workplace has started their office Bachelorette pool again, which I'm hosting. If you care to play along, I'll be updating every week. Rules can be found here:
http://giveerbickies.blogspot.com/p/the-bachelor-pool-rules-as-i-mentioned.html
Now lets get on to the recap!
The show opens, with Becca crying over pictures of her and Arie; back when they were happy together. This is followed by footage of Arie's contrived proposal and the super awkward breakup. ABC is adamant on reminding us that Becca's ex is a total tool. Perhaps this is so we warm up to the new suitors quickly? In comparison, they have to be better than Arie's fake-ass, right?
Kaitlyn, Jojo, and Rachel (of past seasons) show up to cleanse Becca, and the mansion, of any Arie-related negativity. They do this by lighting some sage (aka. giant doobie). Rachael even offered to sage Becca's lady bits! Because, who needs a platinum vageen, when you can have a sage one.
Next we get a few introductions to some of Becca's men. The two most notable were:
- Jordan, the professional model, who claims he has
a very taxing profession. Fake tan and salt spray takes its toll on a
guy! His signature look, "Pensive Gentleman," is giving
Zoolander's "Blue Steel" a run for its money
- Jean Blanc the "colognenoisseur", who's prize
possession is an extensive cologne collection, including a teeny tiny
$1200 bottle, of presumably unicorn tears, at that cost. He says his
goal is to blow Becca's nose away.
-
Limo
- Nick wore a racecar
driver's overalls; Kamil wore shiny sneakers; and brave David wore a
chicken costume (Becca/Buckcaw!) 20 Points
Each =60
-
- Garrett arrived via
minivan; Blake rode an ox; and Trent came in a hearse (because he
literally died when he found out Becca was the bachelorette) 20 Points Each=60
- Lots of gifts were presented to Becca throughout the course of the evening: Colton (confetti cannon); Connor (ring box with an note saying "Lets do the damn thing"); Mike (a life sized cutout of Arie. Some may argue, less of a gift/more of an insult. lol); Lincoln (bracelet); Nick (back massager); Clay (some clay); Garrett (a fishing fly); Jean Blanc (an engraved poem); Connor again (champagne); Lincoln again (cake...my kind of present!) 10 Points Each=100
- Fabio...errr excuse me...Leo, literally let his hair down, in an attempt to impress Becca. Her response was "you have hair like my sister." Hahaha!
- Kamil asked Becca to meet him halfway down the driveway, because relationships are 50/50. Then he changed his mind and says it should be 60/40, and that she needed to come farther to meet him. He was basically implying that he’d be the boss of the relationship and his wants/needs matter more than hers. Gross! What a terrible first impression!
- Becca knows Jake from Minneapolis, but doesn't seem too excited to see him there.
- When Jordan met Becca, he complimented her dress, and said "I was not expecting this color on you" He apparently spent six hours picking out his own outfit, and opted for friggin tap shoes, because they “sound like the heartbeat of a gentleman.” I think my eyes just rolled a 360.
- Leo, says he "can smell the stench of competition in the air." Nah b'y, I'm pretty sure that's just Jean Blanc's cologne.
Cocktail Party:
- Connor used the phrase "steal you away" 5 Points
- Chris reveals that he knows Chase's
ex-girlfriend. She apparently texted him saying Chase's intentions are not
pure.
- Chris says Chase is "not here for the
right reasons" 4 times! Both Blake and Christian repeat him once -2 Points x6=
-12
- When it was Chase's turn to have some alone
time with Becca, he used it as an opportunity to get ahead of the drama
and talk to her about it, himself.
- When Becca questioned him on why his
ex-girlfriend would still harbour such resentment, Chase tried to pull a
DeMario, and change his story mid-conversation. She wasn't my
girlfriend...We dated...hardly dated...I barely knew her...for like a
couple months...two weeks...
- But Becca has bigger fish to fry. She didn't like that Jake had shown up from Minneapolis, even though he's never shown any interest, when they've met multiple times before. Jake tries to defend himself by saying he "can only recall meeting her once"
- Becca sends him packing before the rose ceremony -25 Points
- Blake says that Jake was "not here for
the right reasons" as well -2 Points
- The first impression rose went to Garrett 25 Points
- In the lineup, Chris worried that the controversy
surrounding Chase might reflect negativity on him. He hopes that Chase
doesn't “drag him into his drama”. Buddy, you're the one hauling
out old text messages. You ARE the drama!!!!
- Eliminated tonight were Darius, Grant, Kamil, Christian, Chase, and cutie-pie grocery store owner Joe (what was she thinking??? He was adorable!)
Recap:
·
Garrett :
25+10+20=55
·
David: 20
·
Nick: 20+10=30
·
Kamil: 20
·
Clay:10
·
Connor: 10+10+5=25
·
Jean: 10
·
Lincoln: 10+10=20
·
Colton: 10
·
Mike: 10
·
Blake: 20-2-2=16
·
Trent: 20
·
Chris: -2-2-2-2= -8
·
Christian: -2
·
Jake: -25
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