Bachelorette 14 Episode #3 Recap (Spoilers!!!)

Before I begin, have you all been following the controversy with Garrett https://www.glamour.com/story/garrett-yrigoyen-the-bachelorette or even worse, Lincoln https://people.com/tv/bachelorette-lincoln-adim-convicted-indecent-assault-battery/ ? Gross! The Bachelor(ette) needs to reevaluate their vetting process! How are these creeps getting (and staying) on the show?

Moving on, it’s recap time! J

Date #1:

• Wills, Jason, David, Jean Blanc and Colton are brought to a spa where they’re asked to pamper Becca and her friends
• Conveniently,  Tia is one of the invitees. This makes for a few awkward moments (good tv) between her and Colton
• Becca forgot Jason’s name. She may have forgotten his name, but I forgot he existed entirely. For future reference, he’s the one that looks like the douche bag from “10 This I Hate About You”, Circa 1999.

 

•  Jordan apparently got 4000 likes on the dating App Tinder. David immediately runs to tell Becca -15 Points
• He says “I’m not the kind of guy who throws someone under the bus, but…"

• 
• Afterwards Becca gives Jordon a high five. Because she doesn’t care how many people he’s met on Tinder. Jordan’s only still there for one reason: because the producers say so. David is an idiot for thinking he’s any sort of competition. Now he just looks like a drama queen.

 

• David and Jordon get into a heated argument 10 Points Each
• Becca talks to Colton, who tells her he came on the show for her. After all the agonizing over Tia-gate, that’s apparently all it took to ease Becca’s mind. He’s back in her good graces and she even gives him the group date rose 10 Points
• Jordan expected to get the rose, and blamed David for ruining his chances -10 Points

Date #2:

• Becca takes Chris to the Capital Records building
• Richard Marx is there, and serenades them with a song on the piano 15 Points
• They are asked to write a love song for each other
•  Chris had a hard time, because the last time he wrote an emotional letter was to his estranged father, who did not acknowledge the gesture.
• He eventually managed to write a few generic lines, that could have been about anybody, but made Becca swoon

• 
• Afterward, during the evening portion of the date, they are treated to a second performance by Richard Marx! 15 Points He must be coming out with a greatest hits album, or some new music or something. Gotta get that promo!!

Back at the Mansion:

• There has been some sort of accident!
• David is being rushed to the hospital 20 Points
• The men are saying things like “I hope he makes it!” “It looks like he’s been attacked by a bear!” "There’s blood everywhere!”
• Chris Harrison visits Becca to tell her David is in intensive care
• I then made the ill-timed decision to take a swig of water.
• He fell out of bed

• I don’t mean to make fun of his injury, and I hope he’s ok and all that. But guys, I almost choked to death inhaling my water, cough-laughing

• Jordan made the joke “I guess chickens can’t fly” -5 Points

Date # 3:

• Clay, Leo, Christon, Ryan, John, Garrett, Mike, Lincoln, Connor and Blake play football
• Lincoln was terrible and just got in the way
• Clay, the professional NFL player, was great. No surprise there. However, he tried to single-handedly win the game for his team, took it too literally, and injured his wrist.  
• Clay was sent to the hospital 20 Points
• When Clay returns he is given the group date rose 10 Points

Cocktail Party:

• Connor was the first to grab Becca saying “Can I steal you away” 5 Points
•  Clay spoke to Becca about his injury. He said the orthopedic doctor advised he have surgery, but he’s torn because he doesn’t want to leave. Oh the turmoil! How will he ever decide between leaving to heal an injury, maintain his profession, and be able to provide for himself and his family OR stay to compete with 16 other guys for the affection of a woman he met two weeks ago?

 

• Clay leaves the show early, as he should -25 Points
• No Rose Ceremony tonight

Recap:

• Connor: 5
• David: 10+20-15=15
• Jordan: 10-5-10=-5
• Clay: 20+10-25=5
• Chris: 15+15=30

 Colton: 10

Bachelorette 14 Episode #2 Recap (Spoilers!!!)

It’s week two, and Becca already has her hands full with fights, crybabies and a whole lot of drama! Let’s get to the recap.

Date #1:

·         Clay, Nick, Chris, David, Jean Blanc, Jordan, Connor, and Lincoln head to a ranch where they’re told they’re in for some pampering.

 

·         Instead, they’re made to don tuxedos and run an obstacle course.

·         Becca asked Jordan if he was a model. Has she even spoken to him, before now? He only mentions it every 3 minutes!

·         Lincoln was blatantly cheating. He got in the “cold feet” ice bath after Chris did, yet managed to get out before Chris, even though their timers were the same. He also “nudged” David out of the way to claim his victory.

·         At the party portion of the date, Lincoln was the first to grab Becca, saying “can I steal you away?” 5 Points

·         The rest of the men took issue with Lincoln’s lack of sportsmanship, making Lincoln our villain of the week 15 Points

·         For winning the race, Lincoln received a picture of him and Becca together at the altar/finish line. He also received the first kiss of the season. 25 Points

·         Lincoln took this as an opportunity to antagonize the other men, and gloat about his win, by displaying his photo in plain view

·         Lincoln and Connor got in a heated argument 10 Points Each which resulted in Conner taking the picture frame and frisbeeing it off the balcony and into the pool.

·         Lincoln tattles to Becca about Connor, saying he felt “physically threatened” -15 Points

·         He really milked the situation for all it was worth, saying the picture was a medal of honor and losing it was like a dagger to the heart. Later in the episode he actually cried, actual tears…over a  picture. -2 Points

·         I mean, just print another one, dude

 

·         Lincoln expected to get the rose, -10 Points and was perturbed when Jean Blanc received the group date rose 10 Points

Date #2:

·         Blake was chosen to go on the first one-on-one

·         Chris Harrison planned the date, and arranged for Blake and Becca to beat the crap out of anything to do with Arie, because this show loves beating a dead horse.

·         They were treated to a private concert, of sorts, by Lil John 15 Points

·         Blake exclaimed “ I love Little John!”  Sure you do.

 

Date #3:

·         Garrett, Ricky, John, Ryan, Alex, Trent, Leo, Wills, Colton, and Christon went on a dodge ball themed date

·         The pink team sucked royally, except for Leo who was always the last man standing for his team. The green team won the tournament and a trophy

·         Alex made a joke at Lincoln’s expense -5 Points referring to the picture inciden,t when he asked the men if it’s ok to display their winning trophy in the middle of the table

·         Colton told Becca that he dated Tia (Bachelor alumni), before he came on the show. Becca worried that the only reason he signed up for the show was because he expected Tia to be the Bachelorette.  Becca said she felt sick to her stomach and needed some time to think it over. I’m not sure why it’s ok to force the guys to live under the shadow of her  failed engagement, and yet it’s not ok for Colton to be upfront about his own unsuccessful romance. But ok, whatever Becca, you think it over.

 

·         Wills received the group date rose 10 Points

 Cocktail Party:

·         Oh God…Oh God No! Please make it stop! I can’t handle this level of secondhand embarrassment!This was my face for the remainder of the show…

 

·         WHY. IS. HE. NAKED????? WHYYYY????

 

·         Jordan (naked) interrupted David’s time with Becca. It was so cringe! 5 Points

·         David was not happy about being one-upped by the naked guy, and said he doesn’t think he’s here for the right reasons -2 Points

·         Oh God he sat on the leather couch! I bet it stuck to him when he tried to get up. Blech!!!! I can’t!

·         Jordan told Becca he really wants to have a “mini me” and that “it’s a really big passion of mine to have a little Jordan. I would call him Jordy” He said all this while naked and with a straight face.

·         Later David confronted Jordan and the two got in an argument 10 Points Each

Rose Ceremony:

·         Why is he STILL naked??? The pink blanket isn’t helping matters.

·         Ricky, Alex and Trent are sent home.

·         After that super awkward conversation, about having little Jordys (that was cringey enough to make any woman’s lady bits clam shut), naked Jordan and his pink blanket-cape are allowed to stay!!! Either he’s a plant for ratings, or Becca is trolling us

·         Alex cried during his exit. Undoubtedly upset that he was ousted before the weird naked guy. -2 Points

Recap:

·         Jordan: 5+10=15

·         Lincoln: 5+10+15+25-2-15-10=28

·         Connor: 10

·         David: 10-2=8

·         Blake: 15

·         Jean Blanc: 10

·         Wills: 10

·         Alex: -2-5=-7

Bachelorette 14 Episode #1 Recap (Spoilers!!!)

Bachelorette Fans! 

My workplace has started their office Bachelorette pool again, which I'm hosting. If you care to play along, I'll be updating every week. Rules can be found here: 
http://giveerbickies.blogspot.com/p/the-bachelor-pool-rules-as-i-mentioned.html

Now lets get on to the recap!

The show opens, with Becca crying over pictures of her and Arie; back when they were happy together. This is followed by footage of Arie's contrived proposal and the super awkward breakup. ABC is adamant on reminding us that Becca's ex is a total tool.  Perhaps this is so we warm up to the new suitors quickly? In comparison, they have to be better than Arie's fake-ass, right?

Kaitlyn, Jojo, and Rachel (of past seasons) show up to cleanse Becca, and the mansion, of any Arie-related negativity. They do this by lighting some sage (aka. giant doobie). Rachael even offered to sage Becca's lady bits! Because, who needs a platinum vageen, when you can have a sage one.

Next we get a few introductions to some of Becca's men. The two most notable were:

• Jordan, the professional model, who claims he has a very taxing profession. Fake tan and salt spray takes its toll on a guy! His signature look, "Pensive Gentleman," is giving Zoolander's "Blue Steel" a run for its money
• 

• Jean Blanc the "colognenoisseur", who's prize possession is an extensive cologne collection, including a teeny tiny $1200 bottle, of presumably unicorn tears, at that cost. He says his goal is to blow Becca's nose away. 
•  

Limo

• Nick wore a racecar driver's overalls; Kamil wore shiny sneakers; and brave David wore a chicken costume (Becca/Buckcaw!) 20 Points Each =60
•  

• Garrett arrived via minivan; Blake rode an ox; and Trent came in a hearse (because he literally died when he found out Becca was the bachelorette) 20 Points Each=60
• 

• Lots of gifts were presented to Becca throughout the course of the evening: Colton (confetti cannon); Connor (ring box with an note saying "Lets do the damn thing"); Mike (a life sized cutout of Arie. Some may argue, less of a gift/more of an insult. lol); Lincoln (bracelet); Nick (back massager); Clay (some clay); Garrett (a fishing fly); Jean Blanc (an engraved poem); Connor again (champagne); Lincoln again (cake...my kind of present!) 10 Points Each=100
• Fabio...errr excuse me...Leo, literally let his hair down, in an attempt to impress Becca. Her response was "you have hair like my sister." Hahaha!

• 
• Kamil asked Becca to meet him halfway down the driveway, because relationships are 50/50. Then he changed his mind and says it should be 60/40, and that she needed to come farther to meet him. He was basically implying that he’d be the boss of the relationship and his wants/needs matter more than hers. Gross!  What a terrible first impression!
• Becca knows Jake from Minneapolis, but doesn't seem too excited to see him there.
• When Jordan met Becca, he complimented her dress, and said "I was not expecting this color on you" He apparently spent six hours picking out his own outfit, and opted for friggin tap shoes, because they “sound like the heartbeat of a gentleman.”  I think my eyes just rolled a 360.
• 
• Leo, says he "can smell the stench of competition in the air." Nah b'y, I'm pretty sure that's just Jean Blanc's cologne. 

Cocktail Party:

• Connor used the phrase "steal you away" 5 Points
• Chris reveals that he knows Chase's ex-girlfriend. She apparently texted him saying Chase's intentions are not pure. 
• Chris says Chase is "not here for the right reasons" 4 times! Both Blake and Christian repeat him once -2 Points x6= -12
• When it was Chase's turn to have some alone time with Becca, he used it as an opportunity to get ahead of the drama and talk to her about it, himself.
• When Becca questioned him on why his ex-girlfriend would still harbour such resentment, Chase tried to pull a DeMario, and change his story mid-conversation. She wasn't my girlfriend...We dated...hardly dated...I barely knew her...for like a couple months...two weeks... 
• 
• But Becca has bigger fish to fry. She didn't like that Jake had shown up from Minneapolis, even though he's never shown any interest, when they've met multiple times before. Jake tries to defend himself by saying he "can only recall meeting her once" 

• 
• Becca sends him packing before the rose ceremony -25 Points
• Blake says that Jake was "not here for the right reasons" as well -2 Points     
• The first impression rose went to Garrett 25 Points

Rose Ceremony:

• In the lineup, Chris worried that the controversy surrounding Chase might reflect negativity on him. He hopes that Chase doesn't “drag him into his drama”. Buddy, you're the one hauling out old text messages. You ARE the drama!!!! 
• Eliminated tonight were  Darius, Grant, Kamil, Christian, Chase, and cutie-pie grocery store owner Joe (what was she thinking??? He was adorable!)

Recap:

·         Garrett : 25+10+20=55                      

·         David: 20

·         Nick: 20+10=30

·         Kamil: 20

·         Clay:10

·         Connor: 10+10+5=25

·         Jean: 10

·         Lincoln: 10+10=20

·         Colton: 10

·         Mike: 10

·         Blake: 20-2-2=16

·         Trent: 20

·         Chris: -2-2-2-2= -8

·         Christian: -2

·         Jake: -25